You'll Not See Nothing Like the Mighty Flynn!

Howdy. I’m sittin’ here at Fair Trade Coffee with my new friends, Erica and Jacqueline. They are both working towards Masters Degrees in International Public Affairs so they can save the world. When I told them I take aerial pictures for the government, they decided I must be a CIA Spy. Works for me.

Last night we were all sitting pretty much the way we are tonight, when over my shoulder I heard the loud, sing-songy voice of a lunatic.

“Hi! I’m Errol, and I’m from LaCrosse! Do You mind If I join you?!” He motioned palms up at the empty chair next to me.

“Have a seat Darryl!” I responded.

“Its ERROL, like Errol Flynn!”

“Oh, Sorry.”

He was missing his front two teeth. His eyes weren’t quite straight. He needed a shave worse than I do right now. But he made up for it all with enthusiasm!

It soon became apparent that Erica had unwittingly come to his attention by mentioning an ex-boyfriend in passing.

“Do you want to know the secret of happiness?” he asked her.

We were doomed. With an insane, monotone fervor, he began reading the self-help books that must have been photographically stored in is mind.

“Wow Errol! What was that from?”

“The Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck”

Just enough time would pass for the conversation to move on and then…

“I have a theory about that! Do you want to hear it?” Always directed at Erica and followed by more memorized self-help spewings coupled with large gesticulations that seemed disconnected from what he was saying.

“You have the SUBJECT (circular hand movement ) and the PREDICATE (like an umpire calling a runner safe)!! Slappy the clown (SUBJECT) laughs (PREDICATE).” As he said “laughs” he made a downward movement of both fists in front of his chest in the fashion of a pop diva. Then he chuckled maniacally.

“So what brings you to Madison, Errol?”

“I’m here for a mental health conference!”

“I’m guessing you’re not a doctor!” I wanted to say, but didn’t.

“The government is thinking about restricting the amount of meds they’ll pay for, and we’re here to try to convince them not to.”

So we were witnessing Errol in his fully medicated state. Wow. I considered calling in sick to testify that this guy needed all the meds he could get. The word “we” in that sentence also really made me nervous. How many other crazies would be running around town for the next couple days?! Or was he just referring to his other personalities?

Finally, Erica and Jacqueline and I decided in French to relocate for non-caffeinated beverages. They left before I did, and in my brief moment alone with Errol, he asked if I thought we had bored them (again with that pronoun!). I felt bad because I could tell he wasn’t malicious. There are just limits to people’s tolerance for lunacy, and after an hour or so, we had all reached ours.